ROOMMATE SUCCESS
Establish ground rules from the get-go. A friend of mine who left home a year earlier than me summed up this guideline thusly: “Establish rules before you need them.” Don’t wait until someone forgets to pay their share of the rent to figure out what happens when someone doesn’t pay the rent. Neither should you wait until the night before a big final to have the discussion about your roommate’s proclivity for blasting his TV at 2 AM in the morning.
The best thing you can do to get along with your roommate is to sit down with him the first day you move in (if you’re in the dorms) or before you sign a lease (if you’re getting an apartment) to discuss the rules of the apartment/dorm. Don’t make this conversation combative. Don’t be defensive and uptight. You want everyone to be as open and frank as possible. You can say something like, “Just so we’re on the same page and so we can avoid any conflicts in the future, can we lay down some ground rules for the apartment?”
What sort of rules should you establish? Here’s a list of a few questions you might consider bringing up in your conversation with your roommate:
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When should everyone pay their share of the rent and utility bills?
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Who cleans what and when? Also discuss the consequences if people don’t do their chores.
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What are the rules on dishes? Do dirty dishes get put in the dishwasher right away or can you leave them in the sink? Who unloads the dishes?
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Is smoking inside allowed?
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What are everyone’s drinking habits?
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What sort of expenses will we share? Cleaning supplies? Garbage bags? Toilet paper? Any shared food expenses like coffee and milk?
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What are the rules on bringing guests over? Can friends crash in the living room? How big of a heads-up should everyone give before having a party or bringing guests over? Do we even need to give a heads-up?
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What about significant others? Can they spend the night? Can they hang out all day, every day? Can we give them duplicates of our keys? You’ve got to be careful with this one. I’ve seen several roommate relationships go south because a girlfriend slowly turned into a non-paying third tenant. Nip that in the bud from the get-go.
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Speaking of significant others, if you’re sharing a room with a roommate, you might want to establish some sort of “Do Not Disturb” signal. It will save you from some awkward walk-ins.
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What are the rules on morning and nighttime noise levels?
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Are pets allowed?
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What temperature are we going to keep the thermostat set at? (You’d be surprised how contentious this issue can be with roommates.)
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Have everyone share whether they’re neat freaks or slobs. It’s best to know from the outset so you can manage expectations about what constitutes a clean apartment.
If you’re like most young people leaving the nest for the first time, you probably won’t have enough money to live all by yourself. To save money, you’ll very likely have to bunk with a roommate or two to cut down on living costs. While roommates can save you money (and provide camaraderie and companionship), they can pose many challenges. Any time you put two people with different backgrounds and lifestyles together under one roof, there’s bound to be conflict and awkward social moments.
Learning how to effectively manage the roommate relationship is an essential skill for every young man to have. Not only will it make living with roommates during your bachelor years easier, it also prepares you in many ways for when you settle down and start a family of your own.
Below we provide some tips on how to make living with roommates as drama-free as possible. The advice is based on my personal experience of living with dozens of roommates when I was single, many of whom came from completely different cultures than me.
Heading Out on Your Own: Basic
Life Skills
Be flexible and willing to compromise (but stand firm on your deal-breakers).
During your conversation about ground rules, you and your roommates will inevitably run into disagreements. Be flexible and work to compromise in order to accommodate each other’s differing lifestyles. For example, if you’re a night owl and your roommate is not, you should be willing to keep the noise down after he goes to bed, and he should in turn try to get ready quietly in the morning when you’re still snoozing. If there are some things that are deal-breakers for you, don’t be afraid to stand your ground. So if you don’t want any smoking in the house, say so. If your roommate isn’t willing to adjust to your request, find a new place or roommate.
Follow the Golden Rule.
The key to managing roommate relationships is be mutually respectful and considerate of one another. You will be well served by following the Golden Rule. If you don’t like walking into your living room to unexpectedly find a stranger sacked out on the couch, don’t invite friends over without giving your roommate a heads-up; don’t touch your roommate’s stuff without asking permission first; don’t leave your dirty dishes in the common area. You get the idea.
Understand you don’t have to be best friends with your roommate.
One mistake I’ve seen many young people make when entering roommate relationships for the first time is having unreasonably high-expectations about the relationship. They expect that they’ll be best buddies with their roommates and do everything together and never get in fights. Their roommate, on the other hand, prefers to have his space and spend time with his own friends. This mismatch in expectations can cause friction in the relationship from the get-go.
To prevent this mismatch of expectations, go in understanding that you and your roommate might not be best buds, but merely roommates who respect each other. While you should certainly invite your roommate out to a party or a ballgame, don’t get offended if he declines. That’s his prerogative.
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